So you've got the devastating news, your colleague is off to pastures new. Bastards.

Yes you want to be happy for them but on the other hand you'd like to be the one who has also successfully escaped.

What IS their secret?!

When you get over the mortifying fact they have actually managed to cut and run, its time to think about a leaving card.

If you have one already, congrats. You have just lined one of our competitors pockets, so thanks for that!

If you haven't yet then take a peek at our amazing leaving card range.

The time then comes to decide what to write in their leaving card.

Oh, what on earth to write you may ask yourself!

Well worry no more you lazy fuckers, we have made it really easy to find a great, offensive or plain rude leaving card message to write in your card for a friend, or maybe just a colleague!

Perfect if you don't have the time, are just too heartbroken to write something witty or offensive, or just can't be arsed, don't worry we've got you!

Our creative juices have been flowing non-stop (ooer) and we're sure you'll definitely find something funny and insulting to write from this extensive list.

Something they will forever remember you by.

Especially when they're long gone and are hating their new job just as much (tee hee)

They can look back and have a good giggle.

Here's some of the best funny things to write in a leaving card to really stand out from the rest of the boring, generic messages everyone always writes:

The grass may be greener on the other side, but just remember it's fertilised with shit! 

I've only been here a week and I've had to contribute to your leaving fund, you fucker.

I'll have to go on my own for fag breaks now!

I never forget a face, but with yours I'm sure I'll manage!

We had some great times. On your days off.

Thanks for abandoning me. You know I have issues.

Please don't leave me with weirdo Dave!

Piss off to your new job then. Traitor.

Totes gutted you're leaving huns.

God help your new colleagues.

I give it a week. See you when you get back. 

You're coming back RIGHT??!!

I will never forget you. An absolutely wonderful colleague, best friend, wingman, and all round generous person. All the best in your new job (wrong name) 

Good luck! I'm really going to miss trying to avoid talking to you.

Who's seat am I gonna sniff now??!

Who's going to make my coffee now bitch?!

Don't worry I'll still be watching you through your window every night.

Someone said there'd be cake and hotdogs. Lying fuckers! But yeah good luck.

Well done on your new job, hope you pass your trial period before they realise what a useless twat you are.

I hope your boss isn't as bad as this one.

Any chance of a shag now?

TAKE ME WITH YOU FFS!!

Heard they're replacing you with a young hot fittie anyway. 

Cheerio! Sorry I turned you down at the Christmas party when you asked if I would give you a blow job in the boss's office. All the best though!

Great, one less weirdo in this place!

I don't care what anyone else says, I thought you were ok to work with.

You will be missed. By someone, somewhere, I'm almost pretty sure of it.

Congratulations on leaving this godforsaken shithole.

Thought you'd never fucking leave!

Working with you has definitely been the most unforgettable of experiences.

I will really miss our naked Wednesdays.

The canteen will be out of business now! #fatbastard

Fuck off and don't come back.

Who will I get all the gossip from now?!

Thought you'd left ages ago.

Thanks for leaving me here with all these twatbags!

Sorry you're leaving. Lucky cunt. 

Farewell and congrats on your new job. 

That must mean you're smarter than you look!

We'll never forget you! 

Funny Leaving Card Acronyms

Here's a few words i think describe you very well:

Charismatic 

Unbelievably gorgeous 

Nice as pie 

Talented

Here's another: 

Top-notch 

Wonderful 

Amazing 

Terrific

And another:

Amazing 

Sexy 

Stunning 

Heart-stopping 

Outstanding 

Lovely 

Elegant

You get the gist:

Wonderful 

Almighty 

Neat 

Kind 

Excellent 

Real cool

It can be quite tricky knowing what to write in a leaving card. 

Meaningful is always good of course, but you want them to have a chuckle too. 

Even if it is at their own expense! 

Most of all it's good for the lucky recipient to have something to always remember you by even if it is insulting them, making fun of their terrible time-keeping, or even their hideous hairstyle, they'll be guaranteed a good old side-splitting laugh and a keepsake of your silliness!

Be it a good friend from work who you value, get along very well with and always up for banter or even a colleague who you don't even know, there's definitely something in the list for you.

Just don't forget to make a dead generous donation to the whip-round, maybe even sort out a leaving do with a some shitty drinks at the local working men's club. 

Oh yes, the sticky carpets, a faint aroma of cigarettes and piss and always an old toothless geezer by the bar who's been there since 1987. Is he asleep? Is he dead? We never know!

We hope you found this list of what to write in a leaving card useful, feel free to share too!